A man was shot by his wife using his AK-47 assault rifle, he got out of the house and collapsed on the porch, some neighbours called the emergency services.
It has come to light that senior citizens have unique short codes for texting and text chat systems, just like BRB=Be Right Back. here a re a list of these unique short-codes that seniors will use.
A Wife was lying in bed one night as her husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily he reached across, held her hand and tried to get back to sleep.
In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses.
There is nothing worse than a Doctor’s Receptionist who insists you tell her/him what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. Well 70-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?” “There’s something wrong with my dick”, he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.”
Christmas is a time of families and friends to gather and exchange gifts.
An older couple living in a small rural town took on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. They lived in a very small house, and there was no indoor plumbing. The girl asked if she could have a bath, and the woman of the house explained that she and her husband took baths in a tin bathtub in front of the living room fireplace.
A few minutes before the services started, the people were sitting in their pews and talking prior to the Vicar attending his services. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church, everyone started screaming and running for the exits, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying.
They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high with the widower throwing admiring glances across the table and the widow smiling coyly back at him.
Two retired women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain, one of the women pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking. Her friend said “What’s that?” to which she replied “A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.”
Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.
One 75 year old man says, “I have this problem. I wake up every morning at 7am and it takes me twenty minutes to pee.”
Two elderly women Mary & Edith were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to a junction, the traffic light was red but they just went on through.
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales assistant……..
The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says “I’ve got a Rolls Royce keep it until the loan is paid off.”
“Hey, that’s a good idea. What’s that called?” Mabel responded, “It’s a condom.” The Mavis said, “Where can you get one of those?” She said, “Oh, just about any superstore or pharmacy.”
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table. He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, “I went by your grandma’s house and I saw her in the hallway, stark naked she was. Man, she is fine!”
The biker looked at him and didn’t say a word……..
“You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concern that you would like to ask me?” “In fact, I do,” said the old man. “After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I’m usually cold and chilly.”
An elderly lady who reached 100 years old, was wheeled by the family out onto the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn’t speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate with others
The woman paused and then said, “Unbutton your shirt.” The man opened his shirt……..