While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, “Are you okay?”
Archive for Women
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A Wife texts her husband on a cold winter morning, “Windows frozen, won’t open.”
There is a factory in Essex which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. The foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow
Elderly couples, lodger.
Nov25
An older couple living in a small rural town took on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. They lived in a very small house, and there was no indoor plumbing. The girl asked if she could have a bath, and the woman of the house explained that she and her husband took baths in a tin bathtub in front of the living room fireplace.
Father looks out the window sees writing in the snow. He gets furious and yells for his wife to come and look for herself.
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family farm. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the farm, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving for the auctions, the brunette tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll fax you to drive out after me and transport it home.”
A Glaswegian, an Australian, a Nun and a attractive woman sit on a train. The lights in their car are defective consequently in every tunnel it gets really dark. The train drives through a tunnel, it gets dark and suddenly you hear a slap and someone cries out in pain.
Two retired women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain, one of the women pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking. Her friend said “What’s that?” to which she replied “A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.”
Two elderly women Mary & Edith were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to a junction, the traffic light was red but they just went on through.
There is a very special mirror. If you stand in front of this mirror and tell the truth, you are granted a wish. However, if you tell a lie, POOF! you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
A mother of a 17 year old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.
A blonde woman was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde.
Her friend tells her “Go do something to prove them wrong!”
The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter “Why were you crying?” And the daughter replied “Well mother you told me it’s ok to cry when something hurt.”
A superstore that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
A Blonde woman walked into the town library and join the Que for service, after a short while the librarian said “How may I help you?” the customer replied with……….
A blonde female driver was speeding in a 30 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde’s driver’s licence.
A general store owner hired a young female assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day, a young man entered the store, glanced at the assistant, and glanced at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he had a brilliant idea.
Eve was in the Garden of Eden feeling rather dull, bored and lonely, she decided to go to the centre of the garden and call for Gods guidance.
“Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.”
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the person who served him, “Hey, you want to hear a blonde girl joke?” The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair given that you are blind, you should know five things.
A wife being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text.
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.”…………….
A blonde and a brunette were out walking in the shopping precinct, as they walk past a florist the blonde woman noticed the brunette’s boyfriend buying flowers………
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is drying off from her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bert, […] ↓ Read the rest of this entry…
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner….
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An innocent virginal girl was in the car with her mother and stuck in traffic says “Oh my hands are freezing,” Her mum replies “Put them between your legs, it’ll warm them up.”