Exocet's Silo

There is a factory in Essex which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

A Blonde Woman called Anita is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door, the foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Anita surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles, the two men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter, after several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Anita. “I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, “I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday, your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.”

A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of the females thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear. The blonde realises he is staring and enquires, “Are you looking at my pussy?” “Yes, I’m sorry” replies the man and promises to avert his eyes.

“It’s quite alright,” replies the woman, “It’s very talented, watch this, I’ll make it blow a kiss to you.” Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

The man, who is getting really interested, enquires what else the wonder pussy can do. “I can also make it wink,” says the woman. The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

“Come and sit next to me,” suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, “Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?”

Stunned, the man replies, “F*** me! Can it whistle as well?”

There is a very special mirror. If you stand in front of this mirror and tell the truth, you are granted a wish. However, if you tell a lie, POOF! you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

A redhead of questionable looks stands before the mirror and says, “I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world.” POOF! The mirror swallows her up and is never seen again.

Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, “I think I think I’m the sexiest woman alive!” POOF! The mirror swallows her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes and stands before the mirror and says, “I think…” POOF! She is swallowed up and is never seen again.

A mother of a 17 year old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control, talk to her and give her a box of condoms to start her off.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl started to laugh: “Mum, you don’t need to worry about that! Susan can’t get me pregnant.”

A blonde woman was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde.

Her friend tells her “Go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the world capitals or something?”

The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two months studying. The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, “I’m not a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name all the world capitals.”

The guy doesn’t believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says “Okay, what’s the Capital of China?”

The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, “That’s easy! It’s C !”

A blonde and a brunette were out walking in the shopping precinct, as they walk past a florist the blonde woman noticed the brunette’s boyfriend buying flowers.

She told her friend that her boyfriend was getting her some flowers when the brunette exploded and said “Oh no, no, no!” The blonde was puzzled by her friend’s reaction and asked whats wrong? The brunette explained that now she will be expected spend the weekend on her back with her legs in the air.

The blonde was musing over this and then turned to her friend and said “Why don’t you get a vase?”

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is drying off from her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bert, the next door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bert says, “I’ll give you £900 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bert. After a few seconds, Bert hands her £900 thanks her and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bert from next door.” She replies. “Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the £900 he owes me?”

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, “Nothing.” I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.

I can’t explain his behaviour I don’t know why he didn’t say, “I love you, too.” When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me any more. He just sat there quietly and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.

But I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep — I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

To show no bias, we took this sneak preview of the husbands diary for the same time

Husband’s Diary:

Boat wouldn’t start, can’t figure it out.