Three young executive women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their position in life, and it’s very obvious that they’re trying to up-stage each other. The first one says, “My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation.”
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Three sisters women were sitting around throwing back a few cocktails catching up on stuff when the subject turned to their love lives.
A girl from Poland had gone to see a Gynaecologist and was a little nervous at this prospect.
A man was shot by his wife using his AK-47 assault rifle, he got out of the house and collapsed on the porch, some neighbours called the emergency services.
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, “Are you okay?”
A Wife texts her husband on a cold winter morning, “Windows frozen, won’t open.”
There is a factory in Essex which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. The foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow
Elderly couples, lodger.
Nov25
An older couple living in a small rural town took on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. They lived in a very small house, and there was no indoor plumbing. The girl asked if she could have a bath, and the woman of the house explained that she and her husband took baths in a tin bathtub in front of the living room fireplace.
Father looks out the window sees writing in the snow. He gets furious and yells for his wife to come and look for herself.
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family farm. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the farm, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving for the auctions, the brunette tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll fax you to drive out after me and transport it home.”
A Glaswegian, an Australian, a Nun and a attractive woman sit on a train. The lights in their car are defective consequently in every tunnel it gets really dark. The train drives through a tunnel, it gets dark and suddenly you hear a slap and someone cries out in pain.
Two retired women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain, one of the women pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking. Her friend said “What’s that?” to which she replied “A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.”
Two elderly women Mary & Edith were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to a junction, the traffic light was red but they just went on through.
There is a very special mirror. If you stand in front of this mirror and tell the truth, you are granted a wish. However, if you tell a lie, POOF! you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
A mother of a 17 year old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.
A blonde woman was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde.
Her friend tells her “Go do something to prove them wrong!”
The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter “Why were you crying?” And the daughter replied “Well mother you told me it’s ok to cry when something hurt.”
A superstore that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
A Blonde woman walked into the town library and join the Que for service, after a short while the librarian said “How may I help you?” the customer replied with……….
A blonde female driver was speeding in a 30 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde’s driver’s licence.
The M.I. 6 has three candidates, two men and a woman, for a single assassin position. On the final day of testing, the MI6 proctor leads the first male candidate to a large steel door and hands him a gun.
A general store owner hired a young female assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day, a young man entered the store, glanced at the assistant, and glanced at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he had a brilliant idea.
Eve was in the Garden of Eden feeling rather dull, bored and lonely, she decided to go to the centre of the garden and call for Gods guidance.
“Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.”