St Peter was standing at the gates of heaven with his clipboard marshalling the recently deceased, as a guy approached he asks “Religion?” “Jewish” says the the man. “Go to door 21 and be very quiet when you pass door 8.”
A new Sunday school had just opened in the local church in a new town, the Sunday school teacher decide to get the kids attending the school to stand up in turn and say something about themselves, so she asked each child one by one, stand in front of the class and tell what their Daddy’s do.
In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses.
A little boy was sitting on a footpath with a bottle of Turpentine, he was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A Priest came along and saw what the boy was doing and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy said, “This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it’s called Turpentine.”
A Hardened Hells Angel was getting very pissed off at people knocking his door at 8am Sunday mornings so he decide to go to the Jehovas Church and sort them out.
A few minutes before the services started, the people were sitting in their pews and talking prior to the Vicar attending his services. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church, everyone started screaming and running for the exits, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
The seven dwarves went to the Vatican and when the Pope answered the door, Dopey stepped forward. “You’re Excellency,” he said. “I wonder if you could tell me if there are any dwarf nuns in Rome?” “No, Dopey, there aren’t,” the Pope replied.
A Sunday school teacher asked her class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. The children busied themselves with the task in hand and when they had completed the teacher examined the drawings.
She was puzzled by one boys picture, which showed three people and a baby boarding an airplane.
The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says “I’ve got a Rolls Royce keep it until the loan is paid off.”
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties. He then calls the girl back down and gives her £50 and says “Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties […]
A Catholic priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying “I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork, but have you actually ever tasted it?” The Rabbi said, “I must honest, yes, I have, on the odd […]
A hippie called Tony gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. After a while the hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, very surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, “If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.”
A truck driver would amuse himself by running over Taliban. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the satisfying “THUMP”, and then swerve back onto the road.
A 17 year old Amish boy and his father were in a shopping centre in the city for the first time ever. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, the one thing that really intrigued them was the silver wall that could move apart then slide back again.
The boy was completely gob smacked and asked, “What is this Father?” The father never having seen a lift (elevator) before responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I no idea what it is.”
An elderly lady named Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the care home where she resided, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed in the long corridors.
Eve was in the Garden of Eden feeling rather dull, bored and lonely, she decided to go to the centre of the garden and call for Gods guidance.
“Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.”
There are 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black. He called everyone brother. He liked Gospel. He didn’t get a fair trial. But then there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish. He went into His Father’s business. He lived at home until he was 33. He was sure his Mother was a […]
The priest also enquires whom this woman Fanny Green is, as he has never heard of her before today.