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Winders 2000.

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 2000 ARKANSAS EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of the state of Arkansas. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands.

The ARKANSAS EDITION may be recognised by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS 2000, with a background picture of General Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. Please also note:

  • The Recycle Bin is labelled “Outhouse”
  • My Computer is called “This Dern Contraption”
  • Dial Up Networking is called “Good Ol’ Boys”
  • Control Panel is known as “The Dashboard”
  • Hard Drive is referred to as “4-Wheel Drive”
  • Floppies are “Them little ol’ plastic thangs”
  • Instead of an error message, “Duct tape” pops up

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN ARKANSAS EDITION:

  • Cancel . . . . . . stop dat
  • Reset . . . . . . . try ‘er agin
  • Yes . . . . . . . . yep
  • No . . . . . . . . . nope
  • Go to. . . . . . .  over yonder
  • Back . . . . . . .  back yonder
  • Help . . . . . . . . hep me out here
  • Stop . . . . . . . . kwitit
  • Start . . . . . . . . crank ‘er up
  • Settings . . . . . . settins
  • Programs . . . . .stuff at duz stuff
  • Documents . . . stuff ah done did

Also note that the ARKANSAS EDITION does not recognise capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 2000:

  • Tiperiter . . . . . . . . .  a word processing program
  • Colerin’ Book . . . . .  a graphics program
  • cyferin’ mersheen . . . calculator
  • outhouse paper . . . .  notepad
  • inner-net . . . . . . . . .  Internet Explorer 5.0
  • pitchers . . . . . . . . . . a graphics viewer

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the ARKANSAS EDITION.. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. I hope this helps all y’all!
Billy Bob Gates.

March 10, 2004 @ 10:06 am
Technology