Showering rituals.

• Take off clothing and place in laundry basket compartments according to lights and darks.
• Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh.
• Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain about how fat you’re getting.
• Get in the shower. Look for face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
• Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lemon vitamin shampoo.
• Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lemon vitamin shampoo.
• Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lemon conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
• Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
• Wash rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
• Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it all comes off).
• Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
• Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you feel a pulse of cold water and momentarily lose water pressure.
• Turn off shower.
• Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray with Bathroom cleaner.
• Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
• Check entire body for any signs of a Zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
• Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
• If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed skin and rush to bedroom to spend an hour getting dressed.

I think that about covered it.