Efficiency Reports.
Actual lines out of Military OER’s (Officer Efficiency Report)
- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
- Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
- A room temperature IQ.
- Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
- A prime candidate for natural deselection.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming
- So dense, light bends around him
- If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate
- If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week
- Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead
Actual excerpts from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out morbid of curiosity
- I would not breed from this officer
- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy
- This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar
- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig
- Sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them
- Has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap
- This Officer is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won’t be.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
- This man should go far – and the sooner he starts, the better
- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction