A Starfleet Captain might be a Redneck if…
- Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month.
- He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.
- He refers to any intelligent alien race as “critters”.
- He refers to Photon Torpedoes as “Popguns”.
- He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coat hanger and aluminium foil.
- He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.
- He says “Got your ears on, good buddy” instead of “open hailing frequencies”.
- He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen.
- He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle.
- He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it.
- He says “Yea Haw! Let’s get this puppy movin!!!” instead of “Engage”.
- He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser.
- He insists on calling his executive officer “Bubba”.
- He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of “Bassmaster”.
- He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens.
- He paints the starship John Deere green with racing stripes.
- He refers to a Pulsar as a “Blue Light Special”.
- He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a “swamp”.
- His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale.
- He sings “Lucille” instead of “Kathleen”.
- His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls.
- He wears mirrored shades on the Bridge.
- His idea of a “gas giant” is that big ol’ XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies.
- He sets phaser to “Cajun”.
- He has ordered the Chief Engineer to dig out the jumper cables.
- The warp reactor is coated in duct tape ,Bond-O, and Super-Glue.
- He orders the Sickbay to carry castor oil and turpentine.
- He lights his cigarettes with his laser pistol.
- He keeps livestock in the cargo bay.
- He refers to the Kobiyashi Maru test as “the best target practice I ever had.”.
- NightHe orders the ship into time warp so he can have another go at the “Tuesday All-You-Can-Eat Ribs” buffet.
- The ship, all the shuttlecraft, and the ship’s mascot are all named after his favourite movie actresses.