Come listen to a story ’bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with his tally whacker gone.
It seems one night after gettin’ with his wife,
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.

Penis, that is.
Clean cut.
Missed his nuts.

Well, the next thing you know there’s a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena’s in the car takin’ Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
Tossed him out the window as she went around a bend.

Curve, that is
Tossed the nub
In the shrub.

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
They called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed over there
To John Wayne’s henry that was waving in the air.

Found, that is.
By a fence.

Now Peter and John couldn’t stay apart for long,
So a dick doc said, Hey, I can fix that dong!
A needle and a thread is all we’re gonna need
And the whole world waited till they heard that Johnny pee’d.

Whizzed, that is.
Straight stream.
Even seam.

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court,
With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only thing they didn’t show on tape.

Video, that is.
Case Closed.

Y’all sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear!!!