In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer
Do not use while sleeping.
(crap, that’s the only time I have to do my hair.)

On a bag of potato crisps
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special.)

On a bar of household soap
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how . . .?)

On some frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it’s *just* a suggestion.)

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom of box): Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! Helllooooo?)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding
Product will be hot after heating.
(As night follows the day.)

On packaging for a Rowena iron
Do not iron clothes on body.
(Extra starch in mine!)

On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine
Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
(We could reduce the rate of warehouse & construction site accidents if we could just get those 5-year old kids with colds, off those forklift trucks.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
(One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas light
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor
Not to be used for the other use.
(I have to admit, I’m curious.)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts
Warning: contains nuts.
(Talk about a news flash.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)

On a child’s Superman costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(I don’t blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chain saw
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(Was there a spate of this happening somewhere?)