Tales from the Confessional.

A young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” The priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.”
The young woman said, “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.” The priest thought long and hard and then said, “Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.” The young woman asked, “Will this cleanse me of my sins?”
The Priest said “No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face!”

A very old man walked into a confessional.I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.
Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?
Old man: What sins?
Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?
Old man: I’m Jewish
Priest: Why are you telling me all this?
Old man: Oh, I’m telling everybody!