A man walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The publican screams at the man, “Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my snooker table, whole!” “Sorry,” replied the man. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for everything.”

The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

Two weeks later, he’s in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a Glace cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out and eats it. The publican is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks. “Yeah,” replies the man. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first.”