1. Life is sexually transmitted.
  2. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  3. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
  4. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
  5. Some people are like a Slinky … not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
  6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
  7. Take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  8. Why does a slight tax increase cost you 200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you 20.00?
  9. In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
  10. Life is like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your arse tomorrow”.

Top thought for 2007
We know exactly where one cow with Mad Cow Disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in the country but we haven’t got a clue as to where the “Weapons of mass destruction” are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of National Intelligence.