Women Archive

Tickle Me Elmo toys.

Posted March 5, 2017 By Exocet

There is a factory in Essex which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. The foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow

     

Elderly couples, lodger.

Posted November 25, 2015 By Exocet

An older couple living in a small rural town took on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. They lived in a very small house, and there was no indoor plumbing. The girl asked if she could have a bath, and the woman of the house explained that she and her husband took baths in a tin bathtub in front of the living room fireplace.

     

The writing’s in the snow.

Posted October 12, 2015 By Exocet

Father looks out the window sees writing in the snow. He gets furious and yells for his wife to come and look for herself.

     

Comfortable.

Posted October 5, 2015 By Exocet

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family farm. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the farm, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving for the auctions, the brunette tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll fax you to drive out after me and transport it home.”

     

Face slap in a train carriage.

Posted August 31, 2015 By Exocet

A Glaswegian, an Australian, a Nun and a attractive woman sit on a train. The lights in their car are defective consequently in every tunnel it gets really dark. The train drives through a tunnel, it gets dark and suddenly you hear a slap and someone cries out in pain.

     

Two Smokers.

Posted June 22, 2015 By Exocet

Two retired women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain, one of the women pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking. Her friend said “What’s that?” to which she replied “A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.”

     

Talented.

Posted June 1, 2015 By Exocet

A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of the females thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

     

Elderly Women Drivers.

Posted April 13, 2015 By Exocet

Two elderly women Mary & Edith were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to a junction, the traffic light was red but they just went on through.

     

Lie Detector Mirror.

Posted April 6, 2015 By Exocet

There is a very special mirror. If you stand in front of this mirror and tell the truth, you are granted a wish. However, if you tell a lie, POOF! you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

     

Mothers concern over her teenage daughter.

Posted February 23, 2015 By Exocet

A mother of a 17 year old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.

     

Dumb Blonde fights back.

Posted February 16, 2015 By Exocet

A blonde woman was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde.
Her friend tells her “Go do something to prove them wrong!”

     

3 Daughters marry same day.

Posted December 26, 2014 By Exocet

The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter “Why were you crying?” And the daughter replied “Well mother you told me it’s ok to cry when something hurt.”

     

Man Shop.

Posted December 25, 2014 By Exocet

A superstore that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

 

 

     

The librarian and the Blonde

Posted December 1, 2014 By Exocet

A Blonde woman walked into the town library and join the Que for service, after a short while the librarian said “How may I help you?” the customer replied with……….

     

Blonde driving licence.

Posted October 1, 2014 By Exocet

A blonde female driver was speeding in a 30 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde’s driver’s licence.

     

Raisin Bread.

Posted September 12, 2014 By Exocet

A general store owner hired a young female assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day, a young man entered the store, glanced at the assistant, and glanced at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he had a brilliant idea.

     

God and Eve’s secret.

Posted September 4, 2014 By Exocet

Eve was in the Garden of Eden feeling rather dull, bored and lonely, she decided to go to the centre of the garden and call for Gods guidance.

“Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.”

     

Female bikers bar.

Posted August 15, 2014 By Exocet

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the person who served him, “Hey, you want to hear a blonde girl joke?” The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair given that you are blind, you should know five things.

     

SMS Text from a Romantic Wife

Posted July 21, 2014 By Exocet

A wife being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text.

“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.

If you are laughing, send me your smile.”…………….

     

Flowers for a brunette.

Posted June 30, 2014 By Exocet

A blonde and a brunette were out walking in the shopping precinct, as they walk past a florist the blonde woman noticed the brunette’s boyfriend buying flowers………

     

Womans critical information.

Posted May 13, 2014 By Exocet

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is drying off from her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bert, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bert says, “I’ll give you £900 […]

     

Wife’s Diary

Posted February 18, 2013 By Exocet

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner….

     

Keeping hands warm.

Posted September 28, 2012 By Exocet

An innocent virginal girl was in the car with her mother and stuck in traffic says “Oh my hands are freezing,” Her mum replies “Put them between your legs, it’ll warm them up.”

     

Ten things Men know about Women.

Posted February 17, 2012 By Exocet

The ten things that men definately know about women.

     

The Longest Password.

Posted November 22, 2011 By Exocet

During a recent password audit at Microsoft, it was found that a blonde was using the following password….

     
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