Senior Citizens Archive

Senior Citizen and the Receptionist.

Posted July 31, 2018 By Exocet

There is nothing worse than a Doctor’s Receptionist who insists you tell her/him what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. Well 70-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?” “There’s something wrong with my dick”, he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.”

     

Why some elderly folk are alone at Christmas

Posted November 27, 2016 By Exocet

Christmas is a time of families and friends to gather and exchange gifts.

     

Elderly couples, lodger.

Posted November 25, 2015 By Exocet

An older couple living in a small rural town took on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. They lived in a very small house, and there was no indoor plumbing. The girl asked if she could have a bath, and the woman of the house explained that she and her husband took baths in a tin bathtub in front of the living room fireplace.

     

Satan attends a Sunday worship

Posted September 1, 2015 By Exocet

A few minutes before the services started, the people were sitting in their pews and talking prior to the Vicar attending his services. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church, everyone started screaming and running for the exits, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

     

Wrong Colour Suit

Posted July 1, 2015 By Exocet

An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying.

     

60th, School Reunion.

Posted June 29, 2015 By Exocet

They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high with the widower throwing admiring glances across the table and the widow smiling coyly back at him.

     

Two Smokers.

Posted June 22, 2015 By Exocet

Two retired women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain, one of the women pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking. Her friend said “What’s that?” to which she replied “A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.”

     

Bowel Movements.

Posted April 20, 2015 By Exocet

Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.

One 75 year old man says, “I have this problem. I wake up every morning at 7am and it takes me twenty minutes to pee.”

     

Elderly Women Drivers.

Posted April 13, 2015 By Exocet

Two elderly women Mary & Edith were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to a junction, the traffic light was red but they just went on through.

     

Pink Dildo.

Posted March 16, 2015 By Exocet

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.

Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales assistant……..

     

Rolls used for collateral.

Posted December 28, 2014 By Exocet

The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says “I’ve got a Rolls Royce keep it until the loan is paid off.”

     

Mavis, Mabel and the condoms.

Posted December 23, 2014 By Exocet

“Hey, that’s a good idea. What’s that called?” Mabel responded, “It’s a condom.” The Mavis said, “Where can you get one of those?” She said, “Oh, just about any superstore or pharmacy.”

     

Drunkard in Biker bar.

Posted November 14, 2014 By Exocet

Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table. He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, “I went by your grandma’s house and I saw her in the hallway, stark naked she was. Man, she is fine!”

The biker looked at him and didn’t say a word……..

     

Blowing hot & cold.

Posted September 18, 2014 By Exocet

“You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concern that you would like to ask me?” “In fact, I do,” said the old man. “After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I’m usually cold and chilly.”

     

Grannies, 100th birthday bash.

Posted September 16, 2014 By Exocet

An elderly lady who reached 100 years old, was wheeled by the family out onto the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn’t speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate with others

     

Quick thinking at the Pension office.

Posted September 15, 2014 By Exocet

The woman paused and then said, “Unbutton your shirt.” The man opened his shirt……..

     

Burger with that extra.

Posted September 14, 2014 By Exocet

The huge, sweaty guy behind the counter bellowed, “One burger!” Then he grabbed a hunk of chopped meat & onion stuffed it into….

     

Raisin Bread.

Posted September 12, 2014 By Exocet

A general store owner hired a young female assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day, a young man entered the store, glanced at the assistant, and glanced at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he had a brilliant idea.

     

A Flash in the park.

Posted September 12, 2014 By Exocet

Three old ladies named Gertrude (81), Maude (82), and Tillie (93) were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation and feeding the birds with breadcrumbs, when a flasher approached.

     

Elderly ladies new pet.

Posted September 10, 2014 By Exocet

An elderly lady was lonely and decided that she needed a pet to keep her company. So off to the pet shop she went. Forlornly, she searched and searched. Nothing seemed to catch her interest.

     

Full Monty – Breakfast

Posted August 25, 2014 By Exocet

A couple had been married for 62 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning, and the two of them took all their clothes off and sat back down at the table.

     

Heart broken widow.

Posted August 15, 2014 By Exocet

A 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in Heaven or Hell so as to be with him once more.

     

70 year old man gets a makeover.

Posted August 9, 2014 By Exocet

A man decides to have a facelift and full makeover for his 70th birthday. He spends a whole year’s pension and feels really good about the results

     

Retiring Generals

Posted February 8, 2014 By Exocet

They promised any General who retired immediately would not only get the full pension but also ten grand for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general’s body between any two points he chose.

     

Share and share alike.

Posted February 8, 2014 By Exocet

The young man was consumed with guilt that the elderly couple could not afford a meal each, he decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them.

     
Bear