Religion & Spiritual Archive

Hot work cleaning the church.

Posted October 14, 2016 By Exocet

Several Nuns were busying themselves cleaning and decorating the local church, it was a very hot summers day and the nuns were getting exhausted and decided to lock the church doors and strip down to their underwear.

     

Turpentine vs. Holy Water.

Posted June 19, 2016 By Exocet

A little boy was sitting on  a footpath with a bottle of Turpentine, he was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A Priest came along and saw what the boy was doing and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy said, “This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it’s called Turpentine.”

     

Hells Angel becomes a Jehovas Witness

Posted March 14, 2016 By Exocet

A Hardened Hells Angel was getting very pissed off at people knocking his door at 8am Sunday mornings so he decide to go to the Jehovas Church and sort them out.

     

Satan attends a Sunday worship

Posted September 1, 2015 By Exocet

A few minutes before the services started, the people were sitting in their pews and talking prior to the Vicar attending his services. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church, everyone started screaming and running for the exits, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

     

7 dwarves visit the Pope at the Vatican.

Posted August 26, 2015 By Exocet

The seven dwarves went to the Vatican and when the Pope answered the door, Dopey stepped forward. “You’re Excellency,” he said. “I wonder if you could tell me if there are any dwarf nuns in Rome?” “No, Dopey, there aren’t,” the Pope replied.

     

Holy Trinity +1

Posted April 27, 2015 By Exocet

A Sunday school teacher asked her class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. The children busied themselves with the task in hand and when they had completed the teacher examined the drawings.

She was puzzled by one boys picture, which showed three people and a baby boarding an airplane.

     

The girl, panties and the Priest.

Posted December 23, 2014 By Exocet

There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties. He then calls the girl back down and gives her £50 and says “Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties […]

     

Priest and Rabbi on a train.

Posted December 23, 2014 By Exocet

A Catholic priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying “I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork, but have you actually ever tasted it?” The Rabbi said, “I must honest, yes, I have, on the odd […]

     

The Hippie and the Nun.

Posted November 5, 2014 By Exocet

A hippie called Tony gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. After a while the hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, very surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, “If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.”

     

Joe, God and the lottery.

Posted November 5, 2014 By Exocet

God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well, Please let me win the lottery.

     

The Trucker, the Priest and the Taliban.

Posted October 4, 2014 By Exocet

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over Taliban. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the satisfying “THUMP”, and then swerve back onto the road.

     

Amish family in the city for the first time.

Posted September 25, 2014 By Exocet

A 17 year old Amish boy and his father were in a shopping centre in the city for the first time ever. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, the one thing that really intrigued them was the silver wall that could move apart then slide back again.

The boy was completely gob smacked and asked, “What is this Father?” The father never having seen a lift (elevator) before responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I no idea what it is.”

     

Care home speeder

Posted September 13, 2014 By Exocet

An elderly lady named Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the care home where she resided, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed in the long corridors.

     

God and Eve’s secret.

Posted September 4, 2014 By Exocet

Eve was in the Garden of Eden feeling rather dull, bored and lonely, she decided to go to the centre of the garden and call for Gods guidance.

“Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.”

     

Origin of Jesus.

Posted August 18, 2014 By Exocet

There are 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black. He called everyone brother. He liked Gospel. He didn’t get a fair trial. But then there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish. He went into His Father’s business. He lived at home until he was 33. He was sure his Mother was a […]

     

Fanny Green

Posted September 15, 2012 By Exocet

The priest also enquires whom this woman Fanny Green is, as he has never heard of her before today.

     

A Good Taliban

Posted May 12, 2012 By Exocet

taliban-man

 

A member of the Taliban goes to heaven and knocks on the pearly gates for entry. St Peter opens it and asks what he wants? The Taliban member replied “I want to come in to heaven.”

     

New child behaviour technique

Posted March 24, 2012 By Exocet

We found this new technique so compelling and potentially effective, we felt duty-bound to post it. Please note that we take no credit whatsoever for this positively inspired approach although exocet-silo.com hastens to add that we wholeheartedly endorse the technique.

     

Leprechaun’s help

Posted March 10, 2012 By Exocet

A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfers ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. […]

     

Birth Fertility

Posted March 10, 2012 By Exocet

The Father asked, “And be there any wee little ones yet?” She replied, “No, not yet, Father.”

     

Best Pub Toast

Posted March 10, 2012 By Exocet

He went home and told his wife, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night.” She replied “That is nice, what was your toast?”

     

Just not cricket

Posted February 24, 2012 By Exocet

For their entire adult lives, Arthur and Peter discussed cricket history in the winter and they pored over every box score during the test match season.

     

Moses dies and goes to heaven.

Posted February 18, 2012 By Exocet

God greets him at the Pearly Gates. “Are you hungry, Moses?” asks God. “I could eat,” Moses replies.

     

The Nun, Mary and the Pencil.

Posted February 18, 2012 By Exocet

Mary was not the best student in the Catholic School and generally slept through the classes.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

     

The Golfing Nun.

Posted February 18, 2012 By Exocet

A Nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. “I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it.”

     
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