Marriage and Relationship Archive

Twenty pounds is twenty pounds.

Posted February 25, 2017 By Exocet

Bill and his wife Blanche go to the county air show every year, and every year Bill would say, “Blanche, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.” Blanche always replied,” I know Bill, but the helicopter ride is twenty pounds, and twenty pounds is twenty pounds.”

     

Elderly couples, lodger.

Posted November 25, 2015 By Exocet

An older couple living in a small rural town took on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. They lived in a very small house, and there was no indoor plumbing. The girl asked if she could have a bath, and the woman of the house explained that she and her husband took baths in a tin bathtub in front of the living room fireplace.

     

The writing’s in the snow.

Posted October 12, 2015 By Exocet

Father looks out the window sees writing in the snow. He gets furious and yells for his wife to come and look for herself.

     

Man downs six double Vodka’s in Pub.

Posted September 7, 2015 By Exocet

A guy walks into a pub and says to the barman, “Give me six double vodkas.” The barman says, “Wow, you must have had one hell of a day.”

     

Lecture.

Posted June 8, 2015 By Exocet

An elderly man driving erratically was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night. The man replied, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse.

     

Sex problems in a Marriage.

Posted May 4, 2015 By Exocet

A married man felt the sex life in his marriage lacked that something so he wrote his wife a note outlining his points and feelings.

To My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn’t succeed more often.

     

Aspirin

Posted March 30, 2015 By Exocet

A husband who was getting fed up with is wife stating “I’ve got a headache”, emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, “I have a headache.”

     

Packs of Condoms.

Posted March 23, 2015 By Exocet

A man walks into a pharmacy with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”

The man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”

     

3 Daughters marry same day.

Posted December 26, 2014 By Exocet

The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter “Why were you crying?” And the daughter replied “Well mother you told me it’s ok to cry when something hurt.”

     

Son in-law gives home burial.

Posted December 25, 2014 By Exocet

With the death certificate in his hand, the bereaved son in-law went to the Embassy to make arrangements to send the body back to UK for a proper burial.

     

Man Shop.

Posted December 25, 2014 By Exocet

A superstore that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

 

 

     

Voodoo Dick.

Posted December 24, 2014 By Exocet

So to prevent this, he visited the local sex shop in order to buy his wife a vibrator to keep her occupied in his absence. After examining the products, he hadn’t found an appropriately amazing vibrator and asked the sales assistant for help.

     

Superman & Wonder Woman.

Posted December 22, 2014 By Exocet

Superman is flying around the city, horny as hell. He suddenly sees Wonder Woman and flies down to her, he shows he is horny and says “Let’s have sex.” Wonder Woman tells him where to get off.

     

Polish man wants a divorce.

Posted December 21, 2014 By Exocet

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect but they got along very well.

One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

     

Viagra and Macdonalds.

Posted December 20, 2014 By Exocet

Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.”

     

Womans critical information.

Posted December 14, 2014 By Exocet

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is drying off from her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bert, the next door neighbour.

     

Drivers dilemma after doc’s advice.

Posted December 12, 2014 By Exocet

A Doctor told his patient that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided what the hell, I’ll try it, and He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn’t do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was […]

     

Generous Husband.

Posted December 7, 2014 By Exocet

I am at the department store and I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?” “What’s the price?” he say’s. “£5000.00.” came the reply “Well, ok, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much.”

     

Womans ad comes up trumps.

Posted November 7, 2014 By Exocet

A woman got married, but her husband was abusive and used to strike her so she divorced him. She got remarried and after the honeymoon was over that husband ran out on her. A couple of years later she got married again and that husband failed to please her in bed

     

Do you have a Vagina?

Posted September 18, 2014 By Exocet

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees her neighbour standing there. Her neighbour asks the woman, “Do you have a Vagina?

     

Keeping hands warm.

Posted September 28, 2012 By Exocet

An innocent virginal girl was in the car with her mother and stuck in traffic says “Oh my hands are freezing,” Her mum replies “Put them between your legs, it’ll warm them up.”

     

Quick Thinking

Posted March 8, 2004 By Exocet

I was invited out for a night out with “the lads”, I told my wife that I would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the beers went down way too easy

     

Why Cats are like Humans

Posted March 8, 2004 By Exocet

Like Humans, Lions go through the same 3 Basic stages of a Relationship with a Female.

     
Bear