Technology Archive

The Text message.

Posted August 8, 2018 By Exocet

Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door.
I’ve got a confession to make. I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months & have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face to face. I’m telling you in this text, & I can’t live with myself a minute longer without your knowing about this.

The truth is that, when you’re not around, I’ve been sharing your wife, day & night.

     

Super health computer.

Posted November 1, 2014 By Exocet

One day Bill complained to his friend Chuck that his elbow really hurt. His friend Chuck suggested that a computer at the health centre that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. “Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.”

Bill being a tight bastard, figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with……..

     

SMS Text from a Romantic Wife

Posted July 21, 2014 By Exocet

A wife being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text.

“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.

If you are laughing, send me your smile.”…………….

     

Core code for M$ OS’s

Posted February 27, 2012 By Exocet

display_copyright_message(); display_bill_rules_message(); do_nothing_loop(); if (first_time_installation) {make_50_gigabyte_swapfile();

     

New Shutdown wav: Y’all come back now, Yah hear?

     

How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?

     

Emoticons.

Posted March 10, 2004 By Exocet

We all know those cute little computer symbols called “emoticons,” where: 🙂 means a smile and 🙁 is a frown. It is little known that there are also some “emoticons” called “Assicons, here are the most common.

     

Hell of an Email.

Posted March 10, 2004 By Exocet

A business man and his business wife left the snow in Canada for a vacation in Florida, unavoidably his wife was bound by a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email from his Laptop. Unfortunately, when […]

     

Engineers.

Posted March 10, 2004 By Exocet

People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like other people. This can be frustrating to the non-technical people who have to deal with them. The secret to coping with technology-oriented people is to understand their motivations. This chapter will teach you everything you need to know. I learned their customs […]

     

Why the Internet Is Like a Penis.

Posted March 10, 2004 By Exocet

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but that makes it difficult to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species.

     

Virus Alert.

Posted March 10, 2004 By Exocet

Some common Computer Viruses to look out for. CLINTON VIRUS, TITANTIC VIRUS, GARY GLITTER VIRUS, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS.

     

Winders 2000.

Posted March 10, 2004 By Exocet

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 2000 ARKANSAS EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of the state of Arkansas. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands.

     

A Super Computer.

Posted March 10, 2004 By Exocet

A major computer company called IBEmmy held a large exhibitionof their latest Supercomputer, all the press, computer manufacturers, and software houses attended, and all the big names were there.

     

If restaurants functioned like Micro$oft

Posted March 8, 2004 By Exocet

If restaurants functioned like Microsoft.

     

Computer Acronyms Explained.

Posted March 8, 2004 By Exocet

Most Intelligent Customers Realise Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

     

Shoot yourself in the foot.

Posted March 8, 2004 By Exocet

You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat.

     

10 reasons why your computer may be Possessed!

Posted March 8, 2004 By Exocet

Instead of flying appliances, your screen saver shows horned demons torturing your immediate family.

     

No Smoke without Micro$oft.

Posted March 8, 2004 By Exocet

Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.

     

Alimentary Connections

Posted February 8, 2004 By Exocet

Fearing the worst given the rough clientel, the Barman goes into the men’s room.

     
Bear