Animals Archive

Comfortable.

Posted October 5, 2015 By Exocet

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family farm. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the farm, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving for the auctions, the brunette tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll fax you to drive out after me and transport it home.”

     

Monkey eats everything in a Pub bar.

Posted September 21, 2015 By Exocet

A man walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

     

Mr Bear, Mr Rabbit and the golden Frog.

Posted November 28, 2014 By Exocet

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don’t like each other. One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each.

     

Pig Story.

Posted February 18, 2013 By Exocet

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and  the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw  pig”s house and said, “I’m going to huff and puff and blow your house down.”  And he did!

     

Vet’s waiting room.

Posted March 26, 2012 By Exocet

Three dogs, a Black Labrador, Golden Retriever and a Great Dane. Were sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the Retriever and said, “So why are you here?” The Retriever replied, “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything.

     

Definition of a Cat and a Dog

Posted January 10, 2012 By Exocet

Cat’s do what they want and Dog’s spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture

     

Hot Gorilla

Posted December 1, 2011 By Exocet

The head keeper said that a female gorilla is on heat and we need……..

     

Micky, Minnie and Donald.

Posted December 1, 2011 By Exocet

Donald and Minnie booked into a motel while Mickey was away on business.

     

How many Dogs or Cats, to screw in a lightbulb.

     

Why Cats are like Humans

Posted March 8, 2004 By Exocet

Like Humans, Lions go through the same 3 Basic stages of a Relationship with a Female.

     

The most dangerous snake in the world

Posted March 8, 2004 By Exocet

Expectera Trouserius snake is a Highly venomous animal.

     

Lost Dog appeal

Posted March 8, 2004 By Exocet

Lost Dog appeal.

     

Dog and Cat Diaries

Posted March 8, 2004 By Exocet

Sleeping on the bed, My favourite thing. walking in the park, my favourite thing.

     

Mad Cows disease test.

Posted March 7, 2004 By Exocet

A Guide to help you ensure you are choosing the best healthy cow.

     

Monkey Business.

Posted March 7, 2004 By Exocet

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! What are you doing?”

     

How to give Cats & Dogs, a Pill.

Posted March 7, 2004 By Exocet

Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.

     

Kermit’s Loan

Posted March 7, 2004 By Exocet

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller and wants to borrow…

     
Bear