Funstuff Archive

One sale on first day.

Posted August 15, 2018 By Exocet

A young guy from a small country village moves to the big City and goes to a big “Everything under one roof” department store looking for a job. The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum cleaner salesman back in my village.” The boss was a […]

     

The Text message.

Posted August 8, 2018 By Exocet

Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door.
I’ve got a confession to make. I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months & have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face to face. I’m telling you in this text, & I can’t live with myself a minute longer without your knowing about this.

The truth is that, when you’re not around, I’ve been sharing your wife, day & night.

     

Senior Citizen and the Receptionist.

Posted July 31, 2018 By Exocet

There is nothing worse than a Doctor’s Receptionist who insists you tell her/him what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. Well 70-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?” “There’s something wrong with my dick”, he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.”

     

2 Boys and the Tampons

Posted August 4, 2017 By Exocet

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?” “Eight”, the boy replied.

     

Facinate

Posted May 1, 2017 By Exocet

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my Grandfathers farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not fascinating.”

     

Tickle Me Elmo toys.

Posted March 5, 2017 By Exocet

There is a factory in Essex which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. The foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow

     

Twenty pounds is twenty pounds.

Posted February 25, 2017 By Exocet

Bill and his wife Blanche go to the county air show every year, and every year Bill would say, “Blanche, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.” Blanche always replied,” I know Bill, but the helicopter ride is twenty pounds, and twenty pounds is twenty pounds.”

     

Why some elderly folk are alone at Christmas

Posted November 27, 2016 By Exocet

Christmas is a time of families and friends to gather and exchange gifts.

     

Hot work cleaning the church.

Posted October 14, 2016 By Exocet

Several Nuns were busying themselves cleaning and decorating the local church, it was a very hot summers day and the nuns were getting exhausted and decided to lock the church doors and strip down to their underwear.

     

Drinking 3 Pints at a time.

Posted July 20, 2016 By Exocet

A Ground worker walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.

     

Turpentine vs. Holy Water.

Posted June 19, 2016 By Exocet

A little boy was sitting on  a footpath with a bottle of Turpentine, he was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A Priest came along and saw what the boy was doing and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy said, “This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it’s called Turpentine.”

     

Hells Angel becomes a Jehovas Witness

Posted March 14, 2016 By Exocet

A Hardened Hells Angel was getting very pissed off at people knocking his door at 8am Sunday mornings so he decide to go to the Jehovas Church and sort them out.

     

Elderly couples, lodger.

Posted November 25, 2015 By Exocet

An older couple living in a small rural town took on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. They lived in a very small house, and there was no indoor plumbing. The girl asked if she could have a bath, and the woman of the house explained that she and her husband took baths in a tin bathtub in front of the living room fireplace.

     

The writing’s in the snow.

Posted October 12, 2015 By Exocet

Father looks out the window sees writing in the snow. He gets furious and yells for his wife to come and look for herself.

     

Comfortable.

Posted October 5, 2015 By Exocet

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family farm. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the farm, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving for the auctions, the brunette tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll fax you to drive out after me and transport it home.”

     

Dad brings home a roadkill for dinner.

Posted September 28, 2015 By Exocet

A man driving home late on night kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is.

     

Monkey eats everything in a Pub bar.

Posted September 21, 2015 By Exocet

A man walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

     

Pub competition

Posted September 14, 2015 By Exocet

A stranger in town walks into a Pub and notices a large jar filled to the brim with £20 bank notes.

The man approaches the publican and asks, “What’s the deal with the jar?” “Well, you pay £20, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money.”

     

Man downs six double Vodka’s in Pub.

Posted September 7, 2015 By Exocet

A guy walks into a pub and says to the barman, “Give me six double vodkas.” The barman says, “Wow, you must have had one hell of a day.”

     

Satan attends a Sunday worship

Posted September 1, 2015 By Exocet

A few minutes before the services started, the people were sitting in their pews and talking prior to the Vicar attending his services. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church, everyone started screaming and running for the exits, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

     

Face slap in a train carriage.

Posted August 31, 2015 By Exocet

A Glaswegian, an Australian, a Nun and a attractive woman sit on a train. The lights in their car are defective consequently in every tunnel it gets really dark. The train drives through a tunnel, it gets dark and suddenly you hear a slap and someone cries out in pain.

     

7 dwarves visit the Pope at the Vatican.

Posted August 26, 2015 By Exocet

The seven dwarves went to the Vatican and when the Pope answered the door, Dopey stepped forward. “You’re Excellency,” he said. “I wonder if you could tell me if there are any dwarf nuns in Rome?” “No, Dopey, there aren’t,” the Pope replied.

     

Wrong Colour Suit

Posted July 1, 2015 By Exocet

An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying.

     

60th, School Reunion.

Posted June 29, 2015 By Exocet

They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high with the widower throwing admiring glances across the table and the widow smiling coyly back at him.

     

Two Smokers.

Posted June 22, 2015 By Exocet

Two retired women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain, one of the women pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking. Her friend said “What’s that?” to which she replied “A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.”

     
Bear