Archive for August, 2018

One sale on first day.

Posted August 15, 2018 By Exocet

A young guy from a small country village moves to the big City and goes to a big “Everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”
The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum cleaner salesman back in my village.”

The boss was a little unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

“How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One.”

The boss says, “Just one!” “Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here. One sale a day might have been acceptable in your village, but you’re not on the farm anymore, son.”

The kid took his beating but continued to look at his shoes, the boss seeing this felt bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?” The kid looks up at his boss and says “£212,237.65.”

The boss, astonished, says, “£212,237.65!” “What the hell did you sell him?”

The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 off road truck.”

The boss said “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him some additional rods, a boat and a TRUCK?”

The kid looked up at the boss and said, “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, “Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing and sold him the stuff I just told you.”

The Text message.

Posted August 8, 2018 By Exocet

A Guy receives a text from his neighbour by way of guilt confession.

Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door.
I’ve got a confession to make. I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months & have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face to face. I’m telling you in this text, & I can’t live with myself a minute longer without your knowing about this.

The truth is that, when you’re not around, I’ve been sharing your wife, day & night. In fact, probably much more than you. I haven’t been getting it at home recently, & I know that’s no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can’t live with the guilt & hope you’ll accept my sincere apology & forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage, & I’ll pay you as I am getting it now.
Regards Richard.

After reading the text, Fred was so angry & betrayed, he threw his phone to the ground and it switched itself off, grabbed his shotgun, went next door and shot his neighbour killing him instantly. He went back home and shot his wife with both barrels. He poured himself a stiff drink, picked up his phone, switched it on again and sat down on the sofa to call Police about what he had done.

As his phoned burst back into life he got another text come through, when he read the text from his now deceased neighbour, the second text message read as follows.

Hi, Fred. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out & noticed that the Auto Correct had changed “wi-fi” to “wife.”
Technology eh! It’ll be the death of us all.
Regards, Richard.